Helping Your Child Build Emotional Intelligence: A Parent’s Guide

Emotional intelligence is one of the most important skills a child can develop, and one of the most misunderstood. Many parents focus on managing behavior without realizing that behavior is often a child’s way of communicating emotions they don’t yet know how to name or regulate.

Helping your child build emotional intelligence can support their mental health, relationships, academic success, and long-term resilience.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, express, and regulate emotions in healthy ways. For children, this includes:

• Identifying feelings in themselves and others

• Understanding what emotions are trying to communicate

• Managing big emotions without becoming overwhelmed

• Developing empathy and social awareness

These skills develop gradually and require consistent modeling and support from caregivers.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

Children with strong emotional intelligence are better equipped to handle stress, navigate friendships, and cope with disappointment. They are more likely to communicate their needs effectively, solve problems, and recover from emotional challenges.

Emotional intelligence is not about suppressing emotions; it’s about learning how to experience them safely and establish healthy coping mechanisms when things don't go their way.

Start With Naming Emotions

One of the simplest and most effective ways to support emotional development is to help children identify and name their feelings. Many children act out because they lack the language to describe their internal experience and feel quite frustrated as a result.

You might say:

• “You're frustrated that your brother/sister took your toy.”

• “You're disappointed that the LEGO didn't go on how you wanted it to.”

• “You're smiling and jumping, you're so excited to see your friend!”

• "You're sad that we didn't go to the park you wanted to go to."

This helps children connect physical sensations and behaviors with emotional words. It also helps to validate their experience and "sit on their feelings bench" with them as Dr. Becky notes in her book, Good Inside.

Validate Before You Teach

When children are emotionally dysregulated, their nervous system is in survival mode and they lack the skills to solve the issue on their own. Teaching or correcting in that moment is often ineffective. Validation helps calm the nervous system so learning can happen later.

Validation does not mean agreeing with behavior. It means acknowledging the emotion:

• “I see how upset you are.”

• “That was really hard for you.”

• “Your feelings make sense.”

Once a child feels understood, they are more receptive to guidance.

Model Emotional Regulation

Children learn emotional intelligence by watching the adults around them. When parents name their own emotions and demonstrate healthy coping strategies, children absorb those skills.

This can look like:

• “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”

• “I need a break right now, and then we’ll talk.”

• “I made a mistake, and I’m going to fix it. I'm sorry I had my phone out during our special play time.”

Modeling emotional regulation teaches children that emotions are manageable and temporary.

Teach Coping Skills Gradually

Coping skills are most effective when taught outside of high-stress moments. Practice skills like deep breathing, grounding, movement, or drawing when your child is calm so they can access them later. Explaining to kids what to expect before something like a dentist appointment, the first day of school, or other things that a child may find stressful can also be helpful. You can use toys to help practice how it will go.

Every child is different. Some respond well to physical activity, others to quiet reflection. Child therapy can help identify strategies that match a child’s temperament and developmental stage.

When Emotional Struggles Persist

If a child consistently struggles with emotional regulation, anxiety, anger, or social challenges, child therapy can provide additional support. Working with a therapist can help children develop emotional awareness in a developmentally appropriate way while also supporting parents with effective strategies.

Building emotional intelligence is not about perfection. It’s about creating an environment where emotions are safe, understood, and supported.

A Skill That Lasts a Lifetime

When children learn to understand their emotions, they gain a foundation for lifelong mental health. Emotional intelligence supports confidence, connection, and resilience, skills that extend far beyond childhood.

With patience, modeling, and support, parents play a powerful role in helping children develop emotional strength that lasts.

We encourage you to contact us either via email at support@elevationbehavioraltherapy.com or by calling or texting us at (720) 295-6566 in order to schedule a free initial phone consultation or scheduling your first session. You may also schedule directly through our website.

We hope to be able to support you and your child.

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